Recently a dear friend asked a question similar to this:  “Why have you abandoned the institutional church?  Isn’t she the bride of Christ?  She may be messed up but that doesn’t mean we should forsake her.” First of all, thank you, Friend (you know who you are!), for asking such a question and caring enough to express your heart about this.

First let’s define the Bride of Christ.  The Bride of Christ is Jesus’ beloved church, his perfect counterpart, created by him and for him. The Bride is the reason why Jesus came to earth, to rescue her from sin and remove everything that would hinder love.  The Uncreated God was in love with his creation.  The corporate bride is compared in Scripture to a body composed of many parts, each having different functions.  They are all unique and their common bond is that they all report to the head, which is Christ.  So, in order to form a part of Jesus’ bride, the church, you must be a follower of Jesus.

Is the institutional church the bride of Christ? My answer is both “yes” and “no”.  To be sure, this glorious beautiful woman that reflects her fiancée, Jesus, can sometimes be found within the walls of institutionalized religion.  But is she the rigid structure that supports most of well-known Christianity in the West?  No.  She is a living organism composed of relationships and that are connected by love for Jesus.  She branches out like a climbing plant, her tendrils rising over rocks and walls.  Similar to her divine counterpart, Jesus, she cannot be fit into a box. Since she reflects him, she has many dimensions.   She thrives when she is free to explore and go where there is sun and water to nourish the cells within her.  She exists wherever there are followers of Jesus.  She is not a meeting on Sunday morning (although at times you may find here there).  When the Father created a bride for his son, he made her so that she would be summed up in him.  Jesus is all the Bride needs – she doesn’t need a structure to be healthy.

I don’t believe the Bride of Christ is “messed up”.  Jesus doesn’t see her that way.  He is totally in love with his Beloved.  Jesus already conquered everything that hindered love.  He already paid to remove the sin and the filth that once entangled us.  The Father has hidden us in Jesus – that is our position.  Would Jesus want to join himself with a wretched filthy adulterous?  No!  He must have an equal counterpart.  We are already complete in him, we are not messed up.  We lack nothing in Jesus.

By the grace of God I will never forsake the Bride of Jesus.  I am a part of her.  I love her.  I think she is beautiful.  I also love the bride that can be found in the “walls”.  However, because of the season that God has led me to, I can no longer be a part of the “institutional structure”. I still want relationships with my brothers and sisters who remain in the institutional church.  I love them and miss them.  I understand that not everyone is called to the same lifestyle as I am.  It’s not up to me to tell people what season they should be in – that’s Jesus’ job.

I do not have regrets or doubts about having heard God’s voice correctly when I left the institution.  However, the fact that my departure from the “structure” has been hurtful to some is very painful to me. I hate the strain it has put on certain relationships and I wish I could change that.   I’m trying to reach out in the ways that I know how and praying that relationships can be mended.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field. And which is smaller than all the seeds; but when it has grown, it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree so that the birds of heaven come and roost in its branches.” Matt. 13: 31, 32

There have been many church growth movements, models, ministries, and mentors over the last fifty years or so. They all have their differences and yet most are remarkably similar.

In my opinion, most of these “systems” have been setup from within the institutional mindset and geared toward helping pastors fill their pews.

I guess you could say that I was technically an institutional pastor for two years. During that time, the pastors of the group I was in would get together monthly for a prayer breakfast. There were only two topics of discussion at that meeting. How many people do you have in your church; and how much money are you bringing in? There was one pastor who had been very “successful” and had a large church. Some of the other guys thought that if they preached his sermons (word for word!) they would have the same kind of success!

This is typical of the kind of thinking that permeates leadership in institutional churches. Church growth “specialists” have come up with all kinds of whacky ideas to help multiply congregations in the western world. Many of these are the manipulative, forced, and contained methods of Madison Avenue style marketing. They may get people in the pews, but what is going on here, spiritually?

What is the Goal?

The majority of evangelical Christians today believe the purpose and goal of the Church is to evangelize the world. This is why God saved us and this is the reason we are here. In other words, we are here to multiply, so we had better get to it.

Now I understand that when God created man He told him to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28). But what did God say before that? First, he created man in His image and used plural pronouns (Gen. 1:26). He said, “let Us make man in Our image.” This shows us two things: He wanted an expression of Himself (image), and He wanted that expression to be corporate. This is why He spoke in the plural pronouns.

God is a community of three persons. Father, Son, and Spirit make up the one God. He wanted a community that would express or display His own corporate life.

Then He said He wanted this corporate image of Himself to have dominion or rule over the earth. So we see a God here who wants an expression of His communal nature that rules for Him on the earth. And He wants that community (or race) to be fruitful and multiply. As you can see, multiplication is only one third of the equation here and it is the last part. This is very significant as we will see.

This all happens in Genesis chapter one before the fall. This is God’s original intention and purpose before and beyond the fall. Of course, God knew the fall was going to happen and so He had an “emergency plan.” This is the plan of redemption in Christ. But that did not change His original intention. He still wanted something for Himself above and beyond human need. He still wanted that visible expression of His divine life and love. But here is the problem:

We have made human need the focus of everything and have forgotten that God wants something for Himself!

We got stuck in the “emergency plan” and have abandoned the original plan. God still wants His house, His body, His bride, His family, and His one new man that can express His divine attributes in a shared-life community. And this is His goal!

Don’t get me wrong. He loves us and cares about our needs. He sent His Son to redeem us, heal us, deliver us, etc. But that was all still a part of the “emergency plan.” The purpose of this “e-plan” was to get us back on track with His eternal purpose. Please see the following: Eph. 1:7-14; Eph. 3:3-12; Eph. 4:11-16; Col. 1:24-28; Col. 3:9-11.

His purpose has everything to do with His Son. Ephesians chapter one makes this very clear. He wants to sum up all things in His Son (Eph. 1:9, 10). He wants His body to express the fullness of His Son (Eph. 1:22, 23). And He wants His Son to fill all things (Eph. 4:10).

Premature Growth

I believe when we have an over emphasis on evangelism and mission we end up with very shallow results. We may have lots of numbers, but they may be all zeros! God is looking for quality much more so than quantity. The Father is looking for the measure of Christ (Eph. 4:13). This is true fruit.

In my view, we should not be focusing on the fruit (a.k.a. numerical growth). We should be focusing on the life. If there is the life of Christ flowing in a group, then the fruit will organically be produced at the right time. There are seasons in the life of the Church and one of those seasons is the harvest time. The key is for each believer to learn how to “tap into” the life supply within them so this divine life can flow into the Body (Col. 1:27). Then, just like a tree, everything will develop in due time.

Timing is a huge part of the equation. A tree does not produce fruit right out of the gate. A seedling is not mature enough to produce fruit. In the same way, a five year old girl cannot give birth. She is not yet mature enough. It is not yet her “season”.

We see this in the early church as well. The apostles spent three years living with Jesus before they performed any significant amount of ministry or evangelism. Except for the apostles, there is no record of anyone else preaching or evangelizing in Jerusalem for at least four or five years. Some scholars believe that it may have been up to eight years before the persecution of Saul of Tarsus and the resulting dispersion.

So let’s be really conservative and say that it was five years between the day of Pentecost and the persecution. What were the believers doing all this time? I believe that they were learning Christ. That is, they were learning how to live by the life of an indwelling Lord. This was their equipping. This was their foundation. So then, when the persecution hit, they went throughout Judea preaching the word and new churches were raised up (Acts 8:4). This was possible because they had spent those years before learning Christ!

To Everything there is a Season

My co-workers and I see this same truth in the field as we work with different groups in organic church planting. Most of the folks come out of institutional churches and a new group is not ready to multiply right away. Of course, it is always encouraged to reach out to others and new people coming to Christ are always a wonderful thing. But by and large, in the beginning, that group needs a solid foundation of Christ as their everything. They need ever deepening revelation of Christ and His Church. They need practical help with learning how to live by His life. And they need time to “detoxify” from the systems and mindsets of religion.

If the life is flowing, then the group will grow when it is ready. We have seen this happen many times. But this growth will be “in season” and will be deep and strong. And the fullness of Christ will be expressed through His Body. (Eph. 1:22-23)

Years of sitting in traditional church has not prepared us to do church in the manner described in the New Testament.

We have been taught to come. To sit. To watch and listen to what others have prepared. Someone described it as “sit, soak and sour.”

This is Spectator Church. And it is no way to train believers to be priests!

By contrast, the churches described in the Bible engaged in Participatory Church. This kind of church requires preparation on the part of all of it’s members. This is new. We haven’t been taught how to do this.

Therefore, some retraining is in order. One of the best passages to help us do this is Heb. 10:24-25. As you consider the instruction in v. 24, note that it is given in the context of the church “meeting together” in v. 25.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another– and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”(NIV)

Here are a few notes to help understand the passage:

1. “Let us…” Note what this doesn’t say. It doesn’t say “Let the pastor consider…” or “Let the house church leader consider…” The key word is “us.” Every member of the church. The priesthood of all believers. The mark of a mature church is that every member understands and fulfills their role in “preparing for church”. No spectators in New Testament church!
2. “Let us consider…”: from katanoeo. noeo = to think + kata = an intensifier. To think deeply about, consider, contemplate, observe. Jesus uses the same word when he says, “Consider the ravens…consider the lilies.” (Lk. 12:24-27) This is work that we must do ahead of time. This is where listening prayer comes in. We consider God’s prevenience. What is He initiating in the lives of the other people in my spiritual family?
3. NIV says “Let us consider how …”. The Greek really says “Let us consider one another…” We are to be observing and thinking deeply about the others in our simple church in order to be able to effectively “stir them up to love and good works”. (Hard to do this if we only see them once a week.) Each one is unique. What works for one may not work for another. I must “think deeply” about each one. (Difficult to do this in a church of 100 or 1000.) How is God already at work in their lives? How am I to join Him in what He is doing?
4. “Let us consider one another to spur (them) on.” “Spur on” comes from a root word that means “to make sharp” as with a sword. (Prov. 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”) It means “to stir up, incite, provoke, motivate”. (Note: What motivates one will not motivate another. Every parent and every coach know this.) This is the focus and goal of the New Testament church meeting – every member involved in lovingly and effectively motivating the others. Teaching the Word, singing, prophesying, etc. are not the goal of our meeting together, they are the means to the goal. (This helps us understand 1 Cor. 14:26 – “Let everything be done for the strengthening (edification) of the church.”)
5. “Let us consider one another to spur (them) on to love and good deeds.” How do we know if our meeting has accomplished what God wanted? We know if people leave being motivated and spurred on to love (God and others) and to express that love in good works throughout the week. (Note: This is not a guilt motivation resulting from “should’s and ought’s”. Rather, it is a heart motivation that comes from a genuine desire that God stirs up on the inside. We can’t make this happen. We can only see what God is doing and join Him in that.)

Church prepares us for the rest of the week (24/7). And the rest of the week (24/7) is where we (all of us!) prepare for church.

“A new study from the Barna Group found that during the past three months, one out of every five households had cut its faith-based giving. As a result, churches could see donations decline by as much as $5 billion and revenue by as much as 6 percent during the fourth quarter of the year. “The enemy of charitable giving is insecurity,” said Paul G. Schervish, professor of sociology and director of the Center on Wealth and Philanthropy at Boston College. “Right now, we can’t even project the end of the recession, like we did other recessions.”

“The number of religious groups in trouble is growing. Focus on the Family, a faith-based organization in Colorado with a $5 million deficit, laid off more than two hundred workers in November, while Seventh Day Adventist Church leaders have instituted a wage freeze and a 20 percent reduction in travel. Elsewhere, falling donations recently forced the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh to hold a “special collection” for Catholic Charities in response to a 40 percent increase in calls to the agency’s emergency assistance program.”

“During the last year, most churches have reported 5 percent to 10 percent reductions in giving. I’m also aware of some churches that are experiencing up to a 20 percent reduction from last year’s collections. Because we have not seen such a drop in general giving in recent decades, this loss of revenue has caught many churches by surprise.

“I also believe that what goes on in them [support groups] is far closer to what Christ meant his Church to be, and what it originally was, than much of what goes on in most churches I know. These groups have no
buildings or official leadership or money. They have no rummage sales, no altar guilds, no every-member canvases. They have no preachers, no choirs, no liturgy, no real estate. They have no creeds. They have no program. They make you wonder if the best thing that could happen to many a church might not be to have its building burned down and to lose all its money. Then all the people would have left is God and each other.”

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free; stand fast therefore, and do not be entangled with the yoke of slavery again.” Galatians 5:1

A friend of mine recently told me about a conservation group in Zimbabwe that is taking captive lions and rehabilitating them back into the wild.

This is a difficult, four phase process, but they are having success with it. The rehabilitation process has many snags involved because of the effects of captivity on an African lion. When lions are bred and raised out of their natural habitat, some very abnormal patterns begin to develop. In short, they become domesticated. Yet lions were born to be wild.

In captivity, the lions basically forget that they are lions. The forget how to hunt. They forget how to live in the wild. And they forget how to live in a pride. The “pride” is the name for a community of lions. Lions are by and large social creatures and do not do well as loners.

The Effects of Captivity

You and I were born (again) to be spiritual lions. That’s who we are, but we have forgotten our true nature because of our captivity in the religious system. Captivity has conditioned us to believe things that are just not true. We have become something less than our true calling and destiny because of this conditioning. We have become domesticated.

We have become isolated pew warmers; a mutated race that sits and listens instead of participating and functioning. The clergy/laity system has made us passive and spiritually lazy. In other words, we have sold out our birthrights. Just like Esau we have sold out for the comfort of a bowl of lentil stew, that is, our warm and comfy pews. We no longer wanted to bother with functioning as members of the Body of Christ, so we sold out and instituted the clergy/laity system.

We Have Forgotten How to Hunt

This is definitely one of the most important aspects of a lion’s life. Without the act of hunting, how will you eat?

How will the pride eat?

We have forgotten how to hunt for our own food. Part of our conditioning has been that everyday (or every Sunday!) someone opens our cage and throws us a piece of meat. This bypasses the whole hunting process.

Who is this person that throws in that piece of meat? Where did he get it? Apparently, he went and hunted for it himself. But that is not my prey! And I never had to hunt for it myself.

Hunting is much more than just killing an animal and then eating it. There is the encounter of the hunt itself: finding the right place and time; having the right equipment; getting very quiet; smelling the prey; stalking the prey; taking aim, etc. Sometimes you come up empty handed, but the actual engagement is the thrilling part.

As believers, our food is Jesus Christ Himself! Not just teaching and doctrine about Christ, but the very Person and experience of Christ. You need to hunt for this “food” yourself. Sharing someone else’s food is alright at times. But there is nothing like you going out on your own “hunt” and capturing some new revelation or insight into your Lord. This is exciting. This is discovery. This is how you were born to live!

But then what? What do lions do after they have captured the prey?

They bring it home and share it with the pride.

As I said before, lions are very social creatures and they live in a pride. But in captivity there is no hunt and there is no pride. Lions are thrown their food everyday and they do not live as a pride. They are just individual lions living a mutant life of individualism.

A lion in captivity never has to hunt for his own food. He becomes lazy and complacent. He actually believes that this is normal. He believes that someone else is responsible.

We Have Forgotten How to Live in the Wild

“Because we do not regard the things which are seen but the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” II Cor. 4:18

There are two kinds of realms that exist. There is the unseen realm (or the eternals) and there is the seen realm (or the physicals). Both of these reams exist together at the same time.

One realm is spiritual and unseen. That is, it has no physical substance or what we would call matter. It has no size or dimension, and it exists without time or space. You could say that this spiritual realm is totally “other than” the seen, physical realm.

Of course, we know that the seen physical realm does have matter, energy, space, time, and dimension. Science tells us all about electrons, protons, neutrons, atoms, and molecules. We seem to know a lot about the seen realm. But the scriptures tell us that this realm is only temporary.

It is the unseen realm which is eternal, and yet, we really don’t know much about that realm at all. How do we live in that realm? How do we live in spirit?

The Creature of Two Realms

As lions, we are called to live in two realms at the same time. But we should live mostly in the unseen realm. This is the “wild” for us. And it is mostly unexplored. It really is the “wild.” It is our natural habitat. And we can never be fulfilled with anything less. And yet, because we have forgotten who we are, we have become comfortable in captivity. We have become comfortable in the seen realm. We actually start believing that the physical realm is everything and then we start investing our lives into it.

Yet we have a Lord who is both Lion and Lamb. He is definitely gentle. But make no mistake about it, He is not tame! He is as wild as they come and the wild realm that is our home is inside of Him (Eph. 1:3).

But our natural habitat is not lived alone. This is a place of community. This is the place of the pride.

We Have Forgotten How to Live as a Pride

The “pride” is the social unit for the wild lion. They do not live alone. They interact in small groups know as prides.

Dear believer, a very important part of your natural habitat is the spiritual “pride.” This has been lost to us as well. Lions in captivity don’t live in prides. That is a special feature only found in the wild. When you discover that you are already free and begin living in the other realm, you will see the need of community life. This wild life is a shared life. Shared with your Lord and shared with His people.

But we are not used to sharing our lives with others. We have been isolated (held captive) for so long that we have forgotten that this is just the normal life for wild lions. In a true pride, you all share your food, share your joys, share your sorrows, and share everything in life with one another.

The big question is: how do we get to this place of freedom? How do we remember how to hunt? How do we remember how to live in the wild? How do we remember how to live in a pride?

Our great God has already provided a solution to this situation. And this solution was in force as early as the first century.

God’s Solution: Walking with Lions

As I told you in the beginning of this article, there is a conservationist group in Zimbabwe that is successfully rehabilitating lions back into the wild. But how do they do it?

They take the young cubs for walks everyday in the wild. An experienced lion “handler” (not trainer) will take a cub on long walks everyday to introduce the young lion to life in the wild. Eventually, the lion’s natural instincts will begin to kick in. They will begin to respond to their natural prey and eventually begin to stalk them. Then, one day, they will learn to hunt for themselves. The lion handlers will also introduce them to a pride in the wild so they can be socially integrated.

God does the same thing with His people. He re-introduces His “lions” back into the wild by the use of “handlers.” These are men and women who are called, prepared, and sent by Him for this difficult task. They do not become caretakers of the believers, but their job is to be re-introducers. Then the believers re-discover their spiritual instincts and habitat that has been long forgotten in captivity.

We can see these people at work in the first century. They were sent out by God as itinerant apostolic workers (or church planters) to lay a foundation of Christ for the assemblies of believers. Their job was to work themselves out of a job. Peter, John, Paul, Barnabas, Titus, Silas, Timothy, and others did this work or re-introducing God’s people to the wild. Then they would leave them on their own to live as wild lions! Every one of these workers had already experienced true “pride life” for themselves and knew about the hunt, the wild, and the pride by personal experience.

In the Zimbabwe program, the handlers have less and less contact with the lions. The goal is to completely release them to the wild, not to control them and keep them domesticated.

Christians are leaving the religious institutions in droves. They are seeking more reality, a deeper spirituality, and freedom. They are being set free from the captivity of the religious system and it is a beautiful thing to see. But that creates an altogether different problem.

Now that all of these believers are being set free from captivity, what will happen next? How will they now be re-introduced to the wild? How will they remember how to hunt? How will they be introduced to the “pride” life?

God’s own rehabilitation program must be the answer. We need to pray that God will raise up many “handlers” who have been called, prepared, and sent to walk with the lions.

You are a lion and you have a divine right to be free in the wild with His pride!

Through a series of extraordinary events, Neo finds himself at the top of an abandoned building with a mysterious man named Morpheus. He offers the inquisitive young man the opportunity to know the truth. However, the truth comes at a significant price. Here is the transcript of the offer Morpheus made to Neo:

Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back…You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Neo pauses for an instant, then reaches for the red pill. He swallows it down with a glass of water, and looks at Morpheus.

Morpheus: Remember, all I’m offering you is the truth: nothing more.

I felt a little like Neo when I opened up Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola and George Barna. Needless to say, I took the red pill and began my journey down the rabbit hole.

Down the Rabbit Hole

The first thing I discovered through my reading was that the early Christians functioned in ways that were radically different from what is commonly referred to as “church” today. For the first 300 years, life in Christ was a corporate reality that came naturally and flowed out of the home, embracing family and relationships.  Believers met in each other’s homes, sharing their experiences over a meal. There were no church buildings or meeting halls. From the very beginning, Christian community was expressed in the most simple and natural of places—the home.

When they gathered, there was no predetermined order of service. They saw themselves as a family. As such, the gatherings were unscripted and spontaneous. When each person arrived, they understood that it was not only their right, but also their responsibility to contribute to the gathering. We see this explained in 1 Corinthians 14:26: “When you assemble, each one has a psalm, has a teaching, has a revelation, has a tongue, has an interpretation.” In that time, every person was a minister in the practical sense of the word. Their gatherings had active participants, not passive spectators.

Church structure also looked different. In today’s “church” model, the pastor presides over the people of God. He is the one who blesses civic events, marries the young, buries the old, represents the group to the outside world, and exercises spiritual authority over them. Essentially, the modern-day pastor is the functioning “head” of the church. This concept would have been foreign to the early Christians.

For the first three centuries, there is no evidence of a hierarchical, top-down, chain-of-command. They understood that the Body of Christ has only one “head,” which is Christ Jesus Himself. Therefore, He occupied much more than an honorific role in church leadership. He was the Source of all guidance and direction. Each member of the Body had direct access to the Head. Therefore, questions such as “Who is your spiritual authority?” or “Who is your covering?” would be simple for the ancient believers. Without question, they would say, “That’s easy. It’s Jesus Christ.”

Shocking Implications

Looking at the difference between the early Church and today’s institutionalized expression made me feel sorrowful.  In the early days, each believer was given opportunity to express their revelation of Christ in the gatherings.  Songs, hymns, spiritual songs, teachings, revelations, tongues, interpretations–a beautiful tapestry was woven in the simplicity of their fellowship.  Each member, freely functioning under the headship of Christ, expressed His beauty and presence in a remarkable way.

In contrast, the format of institutional church services today seem to  inhibit the expression of non-”professional” people of God.  Although my wife and I were given great freedom to express our gifts, it seemed like the majority of people in the congregation were passive observers.  Countless Sundays went by where the traditional structure kept them from expressing their revelation of Jesus.  I think back to the times when I felt that I had nothing to preach on a certain Sunday morning.  Many times, I would struggle to not enter a place of striving just to produce something acceptable to give the people.  It was, of course, my “responsibility” to feed them–or so I had been taught.  Thinking back, I am convinced that there were times when God would have desired to reveal Himself through those silent saints who lacked the freedom to share their revelation of Christ.

Who is to blame for this tragic imprisonment of the people of God? That’s a difficult question to answer and it’s not my responsibility to judge that case.  Most professional ministers I have met have an authentic love for the people of God and want the people in their congregation to grow up into maturity.  I know that is true for the leaders of the church I was part of–they are authentic and well-intentioned.

Perhaps the only statement that can be made about this issue is that we are a product of the paradigm we’ve been raised in.  When all you know of “church” is filtered through the tradition of the previous generation, the way it’s supposedly “always been,” it’s difficult to consider something else.

As my wife and I considered the implications of the way the institution operates, for conscience sake, we decided that we could no longer be a part of it.  While God may not be calling every pastor to leave their role at this time, there was no question as to what our reponse should be.

Powerless and Vulnerable

Over the next few days, we begged the Father for wisdom.  Our hearts were grieved as we considered the possibility of leaving.  Relationships would be tested in the fire of obedience.  There was much opportunity to misunderstood.  Feelings would likely be hurt though we desperately wanted it to not be so.  In the wisdom of God, we had been led into a situation that we had absolutely no control over.  We found ourselves powerless and vulnerable.

We called the senior pastors and asked if they could come over for coffee on Saturday.  They cheerfully agreed. having no idea what was to come.  “Can we bring anything?” they asked.  “A ton of grace and some patience,” I thought to myself. With a mixture of resolve and anxiety, I looked into my wife’s beautiful emerald eyes.  They were calming and made me momentarily forget about the meeting.  “Can we fast forward a few months?” my wife asked with a smile.  “Sadly, no, Elisa.  We’re gonna’ have to walk through this valley together.”

I admit it. I like to talk.

If anyone could have a sense of accomplishment it would have been me. Already in my mid-twenties, I was the associate pastor of a small church plant. I had the opportunity to share the pulpit with the senior pastor, lead small groups, and coordinate outreaches to the community. I had a laminated card certifying my position and a monthly stipend for my car. I had crossed the gap between laymen and clergy. I was one of the professionals. Young, yes, but full of zeal and on the track towards someday being the pastor of my very own church.

Is There Something More?

“Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but it’s there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I’m talking about?” – Morpheus, The Matrix

However, there was something gnawing at my foundation, like a “splinter in my mind” or a popcorn kernel stuck between my teeth. It was going no where. No matter how hard I tried to be dedicated and involved in the church, there was something inside of me that would not be ignored. My wife and I would go for walks through the forest and share our hearts with one another. So many times on those walks we’d end up looking at each other and, with an aching and unfulfilled desire in our hearts, saying, “Isn’t there something more?”

The church provided plenty of activities to keep us busy.  However, the longing was for more than programs, meetings, and recognition.  We craved the same life that believers shared with one another in the Book of Acts.  We wanted to see unbelievers get saved and lives transformed.  The Christian life had to be more than what we were experiencing.  Jesus died for so much more than repetitious, organized meetings and relationships that seemed superficial and forced.

Please don’t misunderstand me here.  We love the people in that congregation.  They were well-meaning and it wasn’t that we had no fellowship at all.  However, we became aware that the structure we were part of did not lend to the depth of relationship we saw modeled in the New Testament– the depth that we yearned for.

Sharing Each Other’s Burdens

Paul told the believers in Galatia, “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2).  Realistically, how can you share each other’s burdens when your church gatherings have a predetermined agenda?  How can you foster a deep relationship with someone during the greeting time?  How can you encounter God with others in a personal and natural way during the week when your calendar is already full with church events?  I realize that I’m speaking in extremes, but it’s in order to make a point.

Fellowship with believers should have depth to it.  It takes time, energy, and tears to manifest this type of community.   That’s why the most common description for the people of God in the New Testament is a family.  We are to be a family, sharing mutual love and trust with one another.  However,  I’m not going to share my struggles with someone that I cannot trust; and trust is not fostered in a ten-minute coffee break before a service.

The Beginning of the End

All these thoughts were swirling around within.  Countless times we went to Father, asking for wisdom and clarity.  I had always been told in Bible College that you need to press through discontentment in ministry. It sounded like a good principle back then,  but now I was in the thick of the struggle and very much struggling to maintain my composure.

Again, we went to Father and asked for closure. We wanted to resolve this unsettled issue and get back to the “work of the ministry.” However, the splinter remained. We both sensed that a transition was on the horizon, but Father only gave us enough insight to keep us in a place of dependence on Him (with a healthy dose of discomfort).

It was during that time that I came across a book entitled, Pagan Christianity?, by Frank Viola and George Barna.  In it, they examine the most common church traits of Christianity today and trace them back to their origins.  As I read through the book, I was astonished at how little of modern-day Christianity is scripturally-based and modeled on the 1st century New Testament church.  That book was a milestone for me, which I fondly refer to as, “The Beginning of the End.”

Stay tuned for more of the story!  Still to come:

• Does the modern-day pastor exist in the New Testament?
• What about spiritual authority and the “spiritual covering” movement?
• How did the early church gather and how is it different from today?
• How to leave your church without “throwing spears”
• How to know when it’s the right time to leave?
• How to walk with integry when leaving the institutional church?

Continue to Part 2: “Down the Rabbit’s Hole”