Condemnation and Shame

It seems that prayer is a word that Christians speak and write a lot about, but actually do very little.  At least, that statement has been true of my own life.  I’ve spoken on the importance and ease of prayer, but struggled to daily interact with the Lord.  In fact, if I’m going to be downright honest, I haven’t especially enjoyed prayer.  Sure, there were times when the Spirit would intervene and I would experience some delight, but for the most part the place of prayer has been a dry and arid region of my life.

Condemnation and shame (i.e. thinking I am something wrong) have contributed to my hesitancy to engage God in the place of prayer.  Whenever I would struggle to stay on the right path, I would sense a wave of condemnation and shame.  I’d suppose that God was disappointed in my poor performance. Why wouldn’t He?  He died for my sins and to free me from this horrible cycle of unrighteousness and I repay Him with endless mistakes.  I think many people identify with this way of thinking.  It’s the way I used to think until I read, The Shack, by W. Paul Young.

God Is Never Disappointed

In The Shack, there’s a conversation that takes place between Mackenzie, the main character, and Holy Spirit.  During the conversation, Holy Spirit makes a statement like, “You know it’s not possible for me to ever be disappointed in you, Mack.”

Mack responds with astonishment and unbelief.  “Surely, it’s not possible that You’ve never been disappointed in me.”

Holy Spirit then launches into this beautiful discourse on how it is not possible for God to be disappointed in us.  The logic goes something like this:

• Disappointment is results from unmet expectations.  For example, I expected you to clean up the house by the time I got home, but you didn’t. Therefore, my expectation is not met.  Therefore, I feel disappointed because you did not meet my expectation.
• Expectation is the “strong belief something will happen or be the case in the future.”  Notice, it is not the knowledge that something will happen in the future.  It is the “strong belief.”  Therefore, expectations are only possible for beings that do not know the future.
• God knows the future.  He is the “Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.”  David said in Psalm 139 that before a word was even on his lips God already knew it.
• Therefore, since God knows everything He cannot have unmet expectations; and if God cannot have unmet expectations then He cannot experience disappointment towards me when I sin.

It may take a minute to wrap your mind around this logic, but it will liberate you once you understand.  God knew me, and loved me, before I was even born.  When I was chosen in His before the foundations of the world (Eph 1:4), He already knew the list of sins I would commit.  However, in spite of that, He still chose to love me and make me His own.  Therefore, there is never any reason for me to live under condemnation (Rom 12:1).

Talking to Dad

The next day, I went for a walk during my lunch break.  I like to walk in the middle of winter because I can be outdoors and by absolutely alone at the same time.  No one else is as crazy as I am to go for a walk when it’s 10 degrees F outside!

As I was walking down the road, I found myself praying and, oddly enough, enjoying the experience.  This was unexpected.  As I began to think about what I read the night before, Holy Spirit showed me how He used the story to break off shame and condemnation from me.  I no longer had to live under the cruel taskmaster of disappointment.   As Paul told the Ephesians I had been, “freely accepted in the Beloved,” (Ephesians 1:6) which is Christ.  No matter what state of being I am in, I can run to Him and find full acceptance.

Up until then, I had always called God my “Heavenly Father.”  As I prayed, I felt the need to ask God for another name to call Him.  “I associate all these feelings of disappointment and condemnation with that title, God.  Is there another name I can call You?”

I began to try out other words that mean “Father.”

“Let’s see…Abba…no…Papi….no….hmm.”  I couldn’t figure something out.

Then Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked, “What do you call your father?”

“Dad,” I replied.  “I just call him my dad.”

“Then that is what you can call Me,” He said within.

Truly?  Could I dare to call God such a name that was common and plain?  “Yes,” I said to myself.  “That is exactly what I will call you!”

The experience was so freeing to me.  I did not have to live under the false idea that God was disappointed in me.  Neither did I need to speak to Him as if He were far off.  He is the One who has come near to me even when I was far away from Him.  I am freely accepted by my “Dad.”  I can encounter someone called “Dad.”  That is something that I can relate to.

Such a small word to convey such a limitless God.  There’s that irony again.